I love the internet.
Forty-Three Monkeys Escape From US Research Lab
The rhesus macaque fugitives broke out of Alpha Genesis, a company that breeds primates for medical testing and research, and are on the loose in a part of the state known as the Lowcountry. Authorities have urged residents to keep their doors and windows securely closed and to report any sightings immediately. The escaped monkeys are young females, weighing about 7lbs (3.2kg) each, according to the Yemassee Police Department. Police said on Thursday that the company had located the “skittish” group, and “are working to entice them with food.”
“Please do not attempt to approach these animals under any circumstances,” police said.
A real heart-warmer of a story.
Makes you wonder what they’ve been infected with that makes the police so nervous.
I wonder how much it stings to be reminded that all the money in the world cannot buy dignity. I wonder too, what taste Cheetos-dusted 78-year-old testicles leave in one’s mouth. Whatever the flavor, I hope it lingers.
Police Freak Out at iPhones Mysteriously Rebooting Themselves, Locking Cops Out
The exact reason for the reboots is unclear, but the document authors, who appear to be law enforcement officials in Detroit, Michigan, hypothesize that Apple may have introduced a new security feature in iOS 18 that tells nearby iPhones to reboot if they have been disconnected from a cellular network for some time. After being rebooted, iPhones are generally more secure against tools that aim to crack the password of and take data from the phone.
If this is true, I owe Apple a drink.
Some post-election thoughts:
- Boy, did the Democrats blow it. Right now, I would love to have a sit-down with Jaime Harrison (DNC chair), Gretchen Whitmer (DNC vice-chair), and for good measure, Debbie Wasserman Schultz.
• I am furious with every liberal expressing shock at Trump's re-election. I know many, and they are the ones I can hardly bring myself to speak to right now, not the Trumpets.
• I'm far less anxious than I was in 2016 or 2020. We saw this election coming. I went into it clear-eyed. Trump is a known entity. I'm nervous for the future, but I can't say I'm unprepared.
• For every aghast liberal scold exclaiming, "how could you vote for a rapist?!," shut the fuck up. Democrats didn't have a primary, Democrats kept telling us Biden was fit for office when it was obvious he was not, and Democrats had zero plan to deal with immigation or the economy. (Instead, they decided gaslighting the public on those issues was the right tack.) Trump didn't win, Democrats lost.
• Telling voters they shouldn't trust their feelings is a losing tactic. Duh. Told you so.
• Maybe if liberals want to win, they should spend more time around conservatives. Move out of your cities and into a small town — I dare you.
• Democrats are obnoxious. The open condescension with which they speak about rural people, white people, heterosexuals, men, and Christians is astounding. I say this as someone who used to do that very thing. (But you can't move to rural America and maintain that condescension and hope to make any friends.) That condescension is hateful — knock it the fuck off.
• To my shocked liberal friends: what work did you do between 2020 and 2024 to change the outcome of the election? And don't say "vote," because that is the bare minimum required of an American citizen. Seriously. Being a citizen is work — tell me, what work did you do? Do you live somewhere surrounded by people that think like you? How many Trumpets do you talk with on a regular basis? How many do you count as friends?
• Any person claiming Harris lost the presidency because she's a woman or black is in denial. Full stop.
• I'm upset, yeah, but more than anything I'm sad. I'm trying — expending real mental effort — not to be angry. Not at the results of this election, but at this cycle, this endless stream of bullshit, these false choices. Let's be real: a vote for Kamala or a vote for Trump is pretty much the same. Sure, Kamala gave lip service to an inheritance tax — a tax that would've affected me personally — but do you think it was ever gonna pass? Do you really think the Democrats are any less in-the-pocket of big corporations than the Republicans? C'mon. They're two sides of the same coin, and capitalism as we know it is rigged against you. I'm sorry you don't want to admit it Democrats, but it's true.
• And yet a vote for Trump is a Faustian bargain, no matter what you think of him. We are all now at the mercy of his ego.
• We Americans got the president we deserve. The over-educated wealthy that live (though not exclusively) on the coasts and in the cities parade their liberal platitudes — "science is real," "black lives matter," "we believe women," etc. — and do they give away any of their money? Of course not. That should say everything. Real liberal values would compel them to help the poor, not condescend to them. History tells us that it's really this simple: societies crumble when wealth accumulates at the top. Class unrest consumes the population, as it will and should, and everything we cherish — democracy, civility, safety, all our creature comforts… it all goes out the window. This election is a verdict that damns the elite, the wealthy, those at the top. They — we — should've known better. That's what all that education was for… Instead, we treated education as a way to climb the corporate ladder, to make ever-more money, to make ourselves richer and fatter and safer… the next iPhone, a new car, another home. We lost sight of the social contract: an education is meant to better ourselves in service of helping others, not to buy more shit and surround ourselves with people that think exactly as we do. We failed. Trump is our retribution.
Marianne Williamson: The Democratic Elite Should Resign
We have to ask ourselves: What happened to the critical thinking on the part of the average Democratic voter? When did we become the party who just said: Okay, whatever the DNC says! What has happened with the Democratic Party is the nightmare that George Washington and John Adams were afraid of. The role of the party is supposed to be to stand to the back, let the voters decide, and then the party steps in. But if your main media partners suppress, blacklist, de-amplify anybody but their chosen candidate; if they are willing to lie and smear anyone else to make sure that nobody even wants to hear them, even if they know they exist, then where we go is where we got to. They’ve done this twice. They did it in 2016 by suppressing Bernie Sanders. I don’t know who would have won that primary if they had taken their fingers off the scale, but I do think Trump would never have been president either way, because the Democrats would have shown up, more happily.
Trump's re-election rests solely on the shoulders of the Democratic Party.
The Secret System Behind Every Call You Make Is About to Change Hands
Every phone call you make and text you send passes through an invisible system so critical that the FBI queries it millions of times annually. Most Americans have never heard of it. But this “ultimate little black book”–a system that maps not just phone numbers, but traces the patterns of number ownership and manages important parts of our daily communications–is about to vanish behind layers of private ownership and regulatory resistance.
🚨🚨🚨
Whichever way this goes, do not let the outcome make you cynical.
Don’t gloat if you win. Don’t throw a tantrum if you lose.
We’re adults. Listen to the people that disagree with you. Ask them questions. (Cherish the people that ask you questions in return.) Be open to being wrong.
Do not become cynical.
We will all be okay.
Your phone is why you don't feel sexy
...it’s safe to say, now that we’re more than thirty years into the great internet experiment, that our devices didn’t bring us closer together. They drove us further apart, deeper and deeper into our algorithmic hell holes. The proliferation of devices surrounding us at all times may help us “get in touch” with other people, sure, but they impede our ability to get in touch with ourselves. A “touch” screen would indeed seem to promise something tactile and real, but they leave us cold, tepid, and listless. Something is deeply wrong when we sext the same way we order a sandwich.
The purpose of the iPhone, as it was originally conceived, was to make our lives easier. And it undoubtedly has. What we didn't—and couldn’t—know at the time was the cost. In the beginning, being able to call a cab from your phone, having access to every song ever made, and ordering any product known to man while walking down the street felt amazing. Until it didn’t.
Today, everyone and everything is always available, and there’s nothing less sexy than that. There’s no chase. Our phones don’t allow us time to dwell, and they don’t allow us time to yearn. Why force yourself to daydream about the guy you’re seeing when you can easily look at dozens of photographs of him online? Why walk into a store in Soho and see what’s on offer when you can stay home and scroll the entire inventory from the comfort of your couch? Why go to the library to find books about a topic that interests you when you can look it up on Wikipedia in two minutes and move on with your day?
Instantaneous access to everything obviously comes at a cost. The cost being that we all behave like demented Roman emperors, at once bored and deranged, summoning whatever we want at any time.
Demented Roman emperors. That's exactly how I would describe Grindr.
To feel sexy, we need risk and spontaneity. Our phones kill both.
Preach, sister.
Currently reading: The Message by Ta-Nehisi Coates 📚
The Trump years amazed a certain kind of white person; they had no reference for national vulgarity, for such broad corruption and venality, until it was too late. The least reflective of them say, “This is not America.” But some of them suspect that it is America, and there is great pain in understanding that, without your consent, you are complicit in a great crime, in learning that the whole game was rigged in your favor, that there are nations within your nation who have spent all of their collective lives in the Trump years. The pain is in the discovery of your own illegitimacy—that whiteness is power and nothing else. I could hear that same pain in Avner’s and Guy’s words. They were raised under the story that the Jewish people were the ultimate victims of history. But they had been confronted with an incredible truth-that there was no ultimate victim, that victims and victimizers were ever flowing.
Oof.
Flip The F*cking Table Over And Scream
Heading into the weekend, I kept thinking about metaphors to make some type of big statement about how important I think Tuesday’s election is for our nation. No matter how many ways I tried to word it, all I could think about as an analogy to a potential Trump victory was my friend, sitting inside a casino he’s probably lost a zillion dollars in, finally scoring a big win against the house—the machine that always has the odds in its favor—flipping that table, with the chips, drinks and cards on it, and then getting kicked out carrying a massive Publisher’s Clearing House-style novelty check.
I don’t like that this is how I think of the government, the Democratic party and the media, conjoined as one unbeatable, dystopian chimera with the odds always in its favor—but I can’t help it. What else could you possibly call a ruling party of elites, using one hand to rig their primary process while using the other to write diatribes about the importance of democracy? What else could you call the party that blankets its deeply flawed policy prescriptions under the cloak of the moral high ground? What do you call the party that used to preach freedom of choice, speech and liberty that now takes its cues from giant pharmaceutical corporations and the military industrial complex? How about the party that outright lied in 2020 to the public about the president’s involvement in a Chinese influence-peddling scam days before the last election?
Whatever happens on Tuesday, I'm feeling sick about what comes after.
Could Harris win? And 25 closing thoughts.
I am a bit bewildered about how so many people in the media (and Harris’s campaign) still don’t “get” Trump. He does a shift slinging fries at McDonald’s and a lot of journalists mock him; he drives a garbage truck and a lot of journalists mock him; he does a goofy dance on stage at rallies and a lot of journalists mock him; he goes on long-form podcasts and a lot of journalists say he’s wasting his time. But these things are endearing. They connect with normal voters. They humanize him. They matter. Whatever you think of him, Trump is one of the best retail politicians alive.
Emphasis mine.
Trump Is Courting Apolitical Young Men. Will It Pay Off?
Finn Murphy, a 20-year-old college student in Carolina Beach, N.C., generally stays away from politics. But when he listened to snippets of the podcast, he liked what he heard. That’s why, hair still wet from an afternoon of surfing, he was standing in line last week alongside people three times his age to cast a vote for Mr. Trump.
“He’s strong; he’s a man,” Mr. Murphy said. “I’m here to make sure he wins.”
Anecdotally, this is working. Trump has won over a lot of young men this way, if only because he appears “strong.”
Ever the showman, he’s closed the loop on making our politics entertainment. Recently, I heard a guy my age — single, white, rural, gay — tell me he really appreciated Trump working at a McDonalds for a day, “so he could understand what it’s like for those of us without anything.”
Nevermind that it was a choreographed publicity stunt — it worked.
What does this say about our country, that we can’t discern real from fake, television huckster from serious politician?
Some people would say there is no difference, and hasn’t been in many, many years.
We are not a serious people. And we might deserve what we get.
That fills me with sadness.
What Sank the Bayesian Superyacht in Italy?
Mr. Costantino said the design was not at fault and that the towering mast, which stood 237 feet tall, had not created “any kind of problem.”
“The ship was an unsinkable ship,” he said. “I say it, I repeat it.”
…strange thing to say about a sunken ship. 😵💫
A friend recently asked, “what’s the most beautiful piece of music you’ve heard in the last five years?”
This was my answer.
A vote for Donald Trump is a vote for school shootings and measles
It should be easy for Vance to imagine a world in which school shootings don’t happen — that is the pre-Heller world he grew up in! — but fixing the problem of school shootings requires admitting that a collective action problem exists. It requires admitting that the current policy solution — sending kids to school with fucking Kevlar in their backpacks — is less effective than restricting gun ownership in any meaningful way. He cannot do that. Trump cannot do that. Trumpism cannot allow that debate to happen.
Do you want to live in a country where the vice president refers to schools as “soft targets”? That’s a vote for JD Vance. That’s a vote for Donald Trump — a vote for the line on the school shootings chart to keep going up, forever.
Trump simply cannot use the tools of democracy to run the country on our behalf. His brain does not work that way, even when it appears to be working. He is too selfish, too stupid, too cognitively impaired, too fucked in the head by social media — too whatever. He just can’t do it. He will make our collective action problems worse because he doesn’t even know what kind of problems they are. There is a reason he loves dictators and that all his biggest ideas involve forcing people to do things at the barrel of a gun: mass deportations, arresting his critics, sending the military into American cities to quell protests. He is unable to imagine a world where people cooperate for any reason other than the threat of violence, and so violence has become an inextricable part of his movement.
Plastic chemical phthalate causes DNA breakage and chromosome defects in sex cells, new study finds
Benzyl butyl phthalate (BBP) is a chemical that makes plastic more flexible and durable, and is found in many consumer products, including food packaging, personal care products and children’s toys. Previous studies have shown that BBP interferes with the body’s hormones and affects human reproduction and development, but the details of how it impacts reproduction have been unclear.
In the new study, researchers tested a range of doses of BBP on the nematode Caenorhabditis elegans and looked for abnormal changes in egg cells. They saw that at levels similar to those detected in humans, BBP interferes with how newly copied chromosomes are distributed into the sex cells. Specifically, BBP causes oxidative stress and breaks in the DNA strands, which lead to cell death and egg cells with the wrong number of chromosomes.
Based on these findings, the researchers propose that BBP exposure alters gene expression in ways that cause significant damage to the DNA, ultimately leading to lower quality egg cells with abnormal chromosomes. The study also showed that C. elegans metabolizes BBP in the same way as mammals, and is impacted at similar BBP levels that occur in humans, suggesting that C. elegans is an effective model for studying the impacts on people. Overall, the study underscores the toxic nature of this very common plastic ingredient and the damage it causes to animal reproduction.
If I had to theorize, I would suspect that plastic is behind many of the things we find so perplexing about our modern times: plummeting fertility rates, increased rates of autism, shockingly high cancer rates in ever-younger populations, unexplainable neurological disorders in the Boomer generation.
How a Pro-Trump Army Built a Movement to Reject Elections
I traveled to four battleground states and interviewed dozens of election officials, activists, lawyers and ordinary citizens, read through hundreds of pages of court transcripts and sat in on many hours of local meetings like the one in Washoe. What I found was that although the Stop the Steal movement of 2020 has evolved into the considerably more sophisticated “election integrity” movement of 2024, its success is still premised on persuading election administrators of two things that are not true: that widespread election fraud is a real and present threat to democracy and that they have not only the authority but also the legal duty to do something about it — that they must “do their duty” and deny certification.
I’m trying to enjoy this calm before the storm.
Inside the U.S. Government-Bought Tool That Can Track Phones at Abortion Clinics
The tool, called Locate X and made by a company called Babel Street, then narrows down to the movements of a specific device which had visited the clinic. This phone started at a residence in Alabama in mid-June. It then went by a Lowe’s Home Improvement store, traveled along a highway, went past a gas station, visited a church, crossed over into Florida, and then stopped at the abortion clinic for approximately two hours. They had only been to the clinic once, according to the data.
The device then headed back, and crossed back over into Alabama. The tool also showed their potential home, based on the high frequency at which the device stopped there. The tool clearly shows this home address on its map interface.
In other words, someone had traveled from Alabama, where abortion is illegal after the June 2022 overturning of Roe v. Wade, to an abortion clinic in Florida, where abortion is limited but still available early in a pregnancy. Based on the data alone, it is unclear who exactly this person is or what they were doing, whether they were receiving an abortion themselves, assisting someone seeking one, or going to the clinic for another reason. But it would be trivial for U.S. authorities, some of which already have access to this tool, to go one step further and unmask this or other abortion clinic visitors.
I Don’t Want to Live in a Monoculture, and Neither Do You
Few things can change your perspective for the better more than being attacked from both sides of America’s culture war.
If you think the left is uniquely intolerant, how do you process right-wing censorship? Or if you think the right is uniquely prone to political violence, how do you process far-left riots? When faced with similar behavior from one side or the other, hard-core partisans retreat to specious comparisons. They comfort themselves with the idea that no matter how bad their own tribe might be, the other side is worse.
But there’s a different perspective. Remove yourself from a partisan team, and you can more clearly see that human nature is driving American conflict just as much, if not more, than ideological divisions.
I’m inherently suspicious of the notion that simple ideas can solve complex problems, but what if a simple idea can help us embrace complexity? Intellectual diversity matters. Opening your mind to a wider range of perspectives is transformative. It doesn’t just protect the minority from the majority, it also helps protect the majority from itself, and the institutions that learn that lesson will be far more tolerant and successful than those that close their doors to opposing points of view.
No American faction — or party — has a monopoly on virtue or insight. For those of us who see diversity, equity and inclusion as good values, the answer is less for the right to beat the left or for the left to beat the right, but rather for the right to be open to the left, and the left to be open to the right.
David French remains one of the best political writers in the national media.
An Elon Musk-funded group called Future Coalition PAC is targeting Muslim voters in Michigan and Jewish voters in Pennsylvania with diametrically opposed political advertisements about Kamala Harris. In areas of Michigan with relatively large Muslim populations, the Super PAC is painting Harris as a close friend of Israel and is suggesting that she is beholden to the beliefs of her Jewish husband Doug Emhoff; in parts of Pennsylvania with relatively large Jewish populations, the advertisements call Harris antisemitic and say she “support[s] denying Israel the weapons needed to defeat the Hamas terrorists who massacred thousands.”
Meanwhile, a related PAC also funded by Musk is microtargeting likely Black voters on Snapchat with ads that says Kamala Harris is trying to ban menthol cigarettes (surveys have shown that 81 percent of Black smokers use menthols, and big tobacco has disproportionately marketed menthol cigarettes to Black Americans).
The future (and the population) will be controlled by the people that know how to use computers.
If you want to treat yourself (and that’s all it is — a treat), subscribe to the print edition of New York Magazine and never read the website (so you’re always surprised by the contents of the latest issue).
It’s one of life’s great pleasures, particularly if you love print.