Dispatches from the Empire


Forty-Three Monkeys Escape From US Research Lab

The rhesus macaque fugitives broke out of Alpha Genesis, a company that breeds primates for medical testing and research, and are on the loose in a part of the state known as the Lowcountry. Authorities have urged residents to keep their doors and windows securely closed and to report any sightings immediately. The escaped monkeys are young females, weighing about 7lbs (3.2kg) each, according to the Yemassee Police Department. Police said on Thursday that the company had located the “skittish” group, and “are working to entice them with food.”

“Please do not attempt to approach these animals under any circumstances,” police said.

A real heart-warmer of a story.

Makes you wonder what they’ve been infected with that makes the police so nervous.